16
Aug
Who was that American president, or forefather? The one who mentioned the thing about inaliable truths – or was it rights? Wait – was this Canadian? Am I think of the Charter of Rights and Freedoms?
Okay, WHATEVER it was… and my poor little baby brain will never remember at this rate… they were right. There are certain inalienable things in life. And the truths of motherhood are among them. Namely:
- It is impossible to keep baby toys out of dogs mouths, and dog toys out of babies mouths. At this rate, I’m going to start keeping both in the same bin. Not really. Sort of.
- It is impossible to prevent one’s clothes from becoming permanently stained in the first four months of motherhood. I don’t even know what the stains are from, but I’m too tired to care.
- It is impossible to make meatloaf in any less than three hours, not including cooking time. But you will make it anyway. Because anything that can be cooked once and eaten for four days straight is like a gift from God. For sure there was meatloaf growing in the garden of Eden. One hundred percent, for sure.
- It is impossible to entertain a baby for 13 hours in a row. The dog helps. But that’s not saying much.
- And last, for today, but certainly not least, it is impossible to ever lose all of the 749 pounds you gained in 40 short weeks. Not exercising an hour day (check), not eating your fruits and veggies (check), not hauling a 14-pound child up and down the stairs every time she needs a diaper change/toy/blankie/seuss/change of scenery (check), not the power of positive thinking (check), and certainly not if you ever intend to finish your shift with a cold one (check).
And in those other immortal words, that’s all I have to say about that.
